**i wrote this post right around my anniversary and never published it because i was not yet ready to part with the words for others to hear. but i thought it was time.**
on april 2nd pat and i celebrated our two year wedding anniversary. (we’ve been together now for six.) as many skeptics like to say, “oh it’s only been two years.” (as in, what do we know? we’re rookies.) “talk to us in twenty years,” we hear.
it’s true – marriage is a terrifying thing. and so far i would say it’s not marriage itself that is hard, but the circumstances around your marriage that can affect it. building a life with another person takes a lot of humility. and i, like a lot of other people, am a child of divorce. (and not just one divorce.) i never witnessed a lasting, happy marriage. occasionally i fear the future of my family not because there is anything wrong now, but because i have seen how things can unravel. but because of this, i don’t take my relationship for granted. a lot of times i think my parents actually gave me a great gift through their own marital misery – maybe it was the only way i could earn such a strong marriage of my own.
i love pat very much. i love him in a way that takes me outside myself and makes me believe in God because i don’t think this sort of love is anything but divine. i believe that for a marriage to work you must continue to respect the other person. respect the other person as an individual – not as your husband or wife. there is a distinction here, and i think it is an important one. sometimes i like to think about pat as he was when i first met him…when we were still friends…before he loved me. i like to think about him before i was so tied to his life. it makes me instantly feel in love with him because i can clearly remember being so interested, so captivated. i always wanted to be around him. i felt like…oh my god. i can’t believe how obsessed i am with being around you. please be around me forever.
one of my favorite things pat tells me is what i call his “take a person to dinner” example. he claims that if he were asked who he would take out to a nice dinner – if he could take anyone in the world of his choosing – every time he picks me. i’m still the person he wants to sit next to and talk with, above anyone else.
and this works out perfectly, as i never turn down a nice dinner.