i’m only 2 days shy of being 31 weeks pregnant. this means that i have 9 weeks (max) left of just me and fin. (or, of just me, pat, and fin, i should say.) this is a reality that i have felt many ways about. i have felt blessed. one friend of mine sent me an email and in it she said “you are giving finley the gift of a sibling.” what a fabulous, fabulous way of putting it. and how true! my brother was my very best friend growing up – and he is still, next to my husband, probably the person who knows me best. to see it this way – that i am gifting finley a sister, a sister who will sit alongside her for the rest of her life, is something i always wanted to be able to do for her.
there is always the but. in giving something to finley, something is being taken away. there is some loss here. there is the loss of me and her. there is even the loss of some of our relationship. i said this to pat recently and his immediate response was “of course there isn’t!” but after thinking about it for a second he said…”well, maybe a little.” i can’t be the absolute closest person to finley for her whole life. i can’t remain her one and only. she will having a sibling (or two), a boyfriend/husband (or girlfriend/wife), etc. etc. i must let go of her, in a way. as parents, we must let go of our children, at certain times, throughout their life.
when i was 5-years-old, i had my first piano recital. it was the first time in my life i had experienced the feeling of nervousness. my dad could tell. as i was waiting to go on stage, he turned to me and said, “callie, most of the best things that happen in your life, you will be nervous before them.”