full hands.

i recently finished the book hourglass by dani shapiro, a wonderful memoir that i read effortlessly over the course of a week or two.  i was struck by many of shapiro’s words, but this passage pierced me in a deep, knowing way – and i have found myself rereading it these past few weeks as the fall season continues to whizz by.

how do you suppose time works?  a slippery succession of long hours adding up to ever-shorter days and years that disappear like falling dominoes?…the decades that separate that young mother making her lists from the middle-aged woman discovering them feel like the membrane of a giant floating bubble.  a pinprick and i’m back there.  but is she here?  how can i tell her that her lists will not protect her?

i easily fall into this mentality – this list-making mentality.  parent/teacher conference times and donations to finley’s classroom.  target runs, meal planning and thank you notes to send out from edith’s birthday.  spirit week for finley’s kindergarten, a field trip, soccer games on saturday mornings.  and is there a yoga class i can get to somewhere in there? time to write?  a date with pat?

when i am out somewhere on my own with all three, i get this comment (every time): you sure have your hands full.  and do you know what i say back? (every time):  yep, thank goodness i do.

full hands.

thank GOODNESS! 

i sometimes get very tired, and i sometimes worry very much about how time moves so quickly by.  but i am finding that it doesn’t take much to whip me back into energy, light, presence.  it doesn’t take much at all.  it takes sitting for a moment, on the sofa, and looking out, looking up, looking around.   looking at the life, all around me.

the morning light casting sharp shadows in the playroom; the breeze making leaves in my backyard dance all around.  three kids, two dogs, six chicks.    (oh yeah, we now have chicks, because, of course we do.)

and yes, i make lists.
and yes, my hands are full.

and i know which one protects me. 9EC74206-7150-4DAC-AD9F-AE2F54C0832C80B7039B-D3AF-43AA-B228-CB3096435360372C9EFC-FE1A-44BF-A983-D60354C0CCC7D484D80F-2CBE-4FF2-99A7-42544FF3688B

 

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